I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
