he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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