If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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