I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
