I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
being pregnant is like rehab
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's blow job season.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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