I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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