Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My bed smells like the plague
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
