I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
