If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
