So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
