Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
