no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
