I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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