oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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