i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
