Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
