I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
