so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
