Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
