Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
