walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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