hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
