She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He kissed a someone with a penis
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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