She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize