I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
