so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
