Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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