So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
