Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's blow job season.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
