Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize