I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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