She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This house was built for laser tag.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
