its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize