Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's always time for handjobs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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