Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
