tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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