True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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