I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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