I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
