when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
