And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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