When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
