Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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