Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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