end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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