dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
