I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
