Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
