He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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