i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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