he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
