it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
