Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize