You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The ass gains better be worth it
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