I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
