I want to have your abortion
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize