You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
