I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
me + whiskey = a bad person
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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