I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Even my vagina gasped.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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