That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize