Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize