my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
