dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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