soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize