The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
