He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
