I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Randomize
