2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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