Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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