Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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