What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
