well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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