at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
