did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
