Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
