It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
