3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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